Okay, so you’re on your first few dates or the first few months into a new relationship. Maybe you’ve talked about your ex-boyfriend a few times, or your ex-husband, if you’re rediscovering relationships after divorce. You feel you’re doing your best to follow all the hot new rules of dating for women, and want the experience of dating without drama. But no matter what happens, it seems like you’re just not able to hold on to a man for longer than you’d like to. You’re sick of starting over… and over and over, going through guy after guy trying to find your new Mr. Right.
So what’s going on?
We’ve all experienced our share of painful and crazy dating and relationship drama, many times over for some of us. And while it’s nice to share your experiences with other people, the truth is that speaking up too soon will backfire in more ways than one. Now, the first rule to double your dating is to stop bringing up the drama you’ve had in the past, and start talking about the present! Put an interest in what’s right in front of you, so that your date can see you’re not dragging around enough baggage to pay heavy duty fees on an airline.
Now, it’s not that people don’t care about what you’ve been through, honey! Not at all! But there’s a problem when you’re going out with someone new, and all you can think about is what happened two years, two months – heck, even two weeks ago! That was exactly that – two weeks, months or years ago! It doesn’t bear repeating to every man you meet, especially when the goal of dating is to impress him – and him you – with who you are as individuals, not victims or survivors!
Relationships After Divorce: Get Your Game Face On!
Right now isn’t the time to impress your new beau with the war stories of busting windows out of your ex’s car, or tales of how you found him laid up with two scantily clad strippers in your bed when he thought you were away on vacation. You’re supposed to look your sexiest for a date, wearing a beautiful summer maxi dress that makes you look feminine, beautiful and alluring.
Save the whiny, tell-alls for your girlfriends at Thursday night in-home social gatherings, and avoid the emotionally slutty ramblings with your new man until you trust him enough not to run off and he’s open enough to communicate that he wants to know what you’ve been through and why. Never talk about other men on the first date, but don’t talk about other negatives and utterly useless situations. Top 10 List Pakistani Dramas 2020 If you want to discuss anything, figure out what he’s into and try asking him about sports. If you have no idea what’s going on in the sports world pick up sports guides for women and check out ESPN and Sports Illustrated so you can get in on the know.
You have to expect drama in the work-place. After all, most work is people interacting with other people to compete for money, power, and prestige – and not in that order! Add in differing personalities and differing perceptions of what’s important, and it would be crazy if there wasn’t drama and conflict.
There are types of drama, though, that are debilitating and counter-productive for everyone around. One type that has tormented management officials for years, is the Drama Queen. Or king. This person is over-the-top emotionally – they’re hypersensitive and easily hurt. You know the person who rants emotionally but never follows through on threats or promises. Who blow-ups over slights, real or imagined, over work-place events or over non-work events. Who is quite capable of sabotaging anyone around them. Who takes over a group situation for no clear reason than to be in the center.
Their common trait is they are emotional bullies. Their behavior can increase everyone else’s anxiety, stress, and depression. And of course, decrease everyone’s productivity. Close teamwork shuts down.
We have found six steps to dealing with these personalities and returning calm and productivity to your work-force:
Ask employee what’s going on. You should always start with an honest conversation in approaching this kind – or any kind – of disruptive behavior or performance issue. You never know, but its possible this person is not affected with a personality disorder, and got into a bad behavioral pattern because they’ve never been challenged on it or are experiencing temporary difficulties outside of work. Possibly they could just use some old-fashioned coaching.
Recognize a personality flaw. This person might have a personality disorder that causes them to seek attention. And they probably don’t know it. But it’s not your job, or mine, to be a psychiatrist. As a manager, your job is to document instances of disruptive behavior, and to mitigate its damage to your organization. Recognize that you are unlikely to change their personality.
Apply basic management principles. Set limits and boundaries for acceptable behavior. Use specific examples of their disruptive behavior in your discussion. Allow them to propose a solution to the disruptive behavior and hold them accountable for it. Provide your expectations – according to company policies and procedures, and give feedback. Remain focused on actual performance. To cope with an angry protest, don’t argue – counter with specific details of the inappropriate behavior. And document, document, document.
Reconsider their job. Your drama queen, while possibly suffering from a mild personality disorder, did have sufficient faculties to get hired in the first place, and they’ve survived until now. Put them in positions that either take advantage of their personalities, or somewhere where their damage is limited.
They may have a natural tendency for superficial friendliness and sociability. Some public relations position, where the work is constantly changing and where the interpersonal relationships are more fleeting in nature may be better match for them. Sometimes they make great salespeople.
On the other hand, they may work better with machinery or technology, where their interaction with others is limited. And if they have a perfectionist streak, accounting or engineering could be a good fit.
Referral to mental health professional. This feels like a risky move in today’s over-lawyered environment. Seek council from your legal department and your higher-ups before taking this road. Again, you don’t want to appear to be making a professional opinion about someone’s mental health.
Termination. Final option. Documentation of the disruptive behavior and performance are key to avoiding or fending off any challenges. Personality traits should at no point be listed as the cause of a termination.